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January 26, 2012

Trimming the Best Picture Nominees down to 5

I guess for now on the Oscars are going to continue their policy of over nominating just for publicity purposes. Therefore we must take action. We simply have to elminate the films that shouldn't have been nominated and trim the list down to 5. The Nom-Nominations.
2012 Nom-Nominations (limited to 5) The Artist The Descendants Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close Hugo The Tree of Life honorable mention Midnight in Paris Moneyball The Help War Horse Okay. So this was a pretty simple exercise. Phase 1: Eliminate the comedies. Midnight in Paris was excellent, but Woody doesn’t belong in the Best Picture category as they already made the mistake of giving him the award for Annie Hall over Star Wars, also it’s a comedy and they simply don’t win Best Picture (that’s why these goofy 10 noms are so stupid. They give the impression that any film could win, but really it’s a transparent marketing handout to films that they will never truly honor. Yet another slap in the face for comedy.) Also a big fan of Moneyball, but let’s face it, it really doesn’t need to be nominated for Best Picture. This is padding. I haven’t seen the Help, but it seems like a quirky comedy type serious issue picture. Sure, it could be nominated, but not this year. War Horse is another film I haven’t seen (but actually don’t want to see) and so I’m relegating it to the also nommed. It just looks so intentionally manipulative. Like if the film was called “Lassie saves everybody” and was nothing but scenes of Lassie saving men from the bloodythirsty germans (that is what War Horse is actually about right? still crossing my fingers that I won’t watch it, but now that it’s “nommed” even though I think it’s a fake nom I’ll still have to see it.) Quick reviews of films that remain in contention for the Best Picture oscar: The Artist. I saw it and hated it. It’s slow and awful and there’s nothing at stake. NOTHING. But it was technically well done and tricked whole movie theaters full of people into watching a silent film that should have been nothing more than elaborate opening scene for a talking film that would realistically address the advent of talkies in a dramatic fashion where things would be at stake. But still, it’s about actors and movies, so not only does it “deserve” to be nominated, it has a good chance of winning. The Descendants. I haven’t seen this, but I heard George Clooney has kids. Again, has Clooney, is dramatic, probably about the future and trying to “reach these kids” or something. Deserving of a nom, but not going to win. Like that lesbian three way movie from a few years ago, nice to be nominated, not going to win. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Again, another film I don’t want to see. A manipulative 9/11 film released about a decade after the controlled demolitions, starring Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. You couldn’t make this bullshit up. Obviously nominated because it’s “important”, but not going to win. Clearly “deserves” to be nominated. Compare 9/11 to the A’s winning 20 games in a row and you get my drift. Hugo. Scorsese and a 3-D animated film for children about movie history or silent films or something. Obviously I haven’t seen it, but Scorsese is important and if he does a children’s film it deserves to be nominated for Best Picture. Too bad it won’t win. Good thing he already won a few years ago for that remake of A Police Story. The Tree of Life. Terrence Malick, and I have no idea what it’s about (but I hear that’s true even for people who see it) but I’m sure it will be awesome ala A Thin Red Line and Badlands. Malick is a genius and deserves to be recognized whenever he sticks his head out of his hobbit hole and makes a film. I guess I just gave the Best Picture Award to The Artist. Which is odd, because I really think Drive is the best picture of the year. I guess that makes sense. One will win, the other, not even nominated. At least we were able to eliminate four of the also nommed and return the Oscar 2012 Best Picture Nominations to a reasonable size: 2012 Nom-Nominations (limited to 5) The Artist* The Descendants Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close Hugo The Tree of Life *denotes winner

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