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June 14, 2013

Google to close Blogger, Reader and Search

via Nitpicking Google

In more of their ongoing spring cleaning, Google has pledged to close every single part of Google that you currently use, if you do not start using Google+ instead of Facebook.  "At Google, we're very serious about our products," said administrix Marissa Miller, "We find out what people are using, design interfaces that they like and then we shutdown the project because it's not related to Google+."

With the closing of Blogger, Reader and Search, Google is making a serious push into Google+.  "We know that users love our current offerings, but once we close Blogger, Reader and Search, we feel that users will have nothing else to do but love Google+ as well," said Sergey Brin, CEO. "We've heard your pleas that you'll simply use another search engine or go back to using MyYahoo, but our core focus is not the end user.  Our core focus is how many products do we have to close before people will submit and use Google+.  We thought that last year's decision to close iGoogle, and throw away all that traffic for no reason, to decouple our google services, disconnect them and make them harder to use would give people the right idea.  We at Google don't give a shit about our users, unless they're using Google+."

When asked about plans for the future, Google said they plan to shutdown the popular GoogleNews application.  "As we've seen with the growth of apps and appstores, old webpages like Google News that people use everyday to get the news, simply aren't as valuable as they used to be." said Marissa Miller, "In fact, one of our engineers believes that Google could elminate it's entire web presence by 2015.  We will exist entirely in the Google Chrome Play App Store."  Just don't tell her, that Google plans to close the Chrome Play App Store in 2014, siting a lack of user interest in the Android platform, which they also plan to sunset in 2013.  "Basically we don't want anyone to use our products and we will do whatever is neccessary to chase them away.  Even if they switched from MyYahoo years ago and prefer iGoogles smooth interface to the jangled mess of MyYahoo, we don't care.  We want to send them away, back to what they used for information in the 90s.  Ideally old competitors like Alta Vista and Lycos will rise up again to take this web traffic that after all these years and all this work, we really don't want."

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